the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
