do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
