I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
