My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
