and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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