Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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