Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
