My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
