is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
