His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
