i used baking grease as lip gloss
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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