I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
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