Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
