Can i not drive my cunt home
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
pop tarts are not kleenex
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
