You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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