Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
we're making bets on your personal life
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
