I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
