i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
