The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
