Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
