Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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