So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
