Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
