I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
