You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
