She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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