Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
