just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
