Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
