it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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