No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
