The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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