I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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