No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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