The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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