Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Randomize
