Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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