I need help removing her.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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