WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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