Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
