Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Four minutes until I can fart!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
