Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I use my feet as sexual weapons
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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