My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i barfeds in our rink
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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