I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think my vagina is haunted
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
