THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
