If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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