That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
