I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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