Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
