Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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